Deep dating london
If you’re paying attention, you’ll modulate your self-expression to match their energy.
That doesn’t mean you have to be careful, just that you have to care. If you’re not into someone, that just means you know a couple places the journey won’t go. The road to long-term partnership will remain gated and locked. What you don’t yet know is where else it’s possible for you to go.
How does whatever history you’ve developed from past dates facilitate new possibilities for intimacy on this date? We’ve all learned to be concerned with impression management. If you’ve been trained your whole life to pretend, how do you drop the performance, and bring your real self to a date? Put the two together, and you’re on the road to closeness. When you attune to someone, you do your best to get what their experience is like, regardless of how much they tell you about it. But much of what you attend to when you attune is non-verbal.
This doesn’t mean you need to preemptively cut short the journey.That means you’re not making a good impression for later. If you’re worried that showing your real self will scare the other person away, go ahead and scare them away. Dating for partnership and Deep Dating follow different trajectories. Luckily, it’s easy to get from small talk to real talk. You’ve only ever played such games because you didn’t know what else to do. Instead of playing games, talk about what’s making you want to.If you’re doing normal dating, to find a partner, you’ll probably start to date with increasing frequency. All you need to do is talk about your experience, in the moment, of what it’s like to be with the other person. Expose the game you were about to play, and reveal your motivation for playing it.If you only have one date, the date you’re on right now IS the relationship. For one, you have to actively create the date, moment by moment, rather than waiting for the date to happen to you. Real talk is risky, unpredictable, and sometimes even awkward! Answer these questions, and you give someone a window into your world. It goes without saying that game playing is the opposite of being real.The relationship happens now, not later, because all you ever have with anyone is the present moment. You could, on your one and only date, get lit up by the excitement of getting to know someone, learn new things about yourself, be seen and felt and understood, play, share affection, or pleasure, grow as a relational being, make a lasting difference in the other person’s life, challenge yourself, take new risks, fall in love. You can’t future trip, because there’s no future to trip about. If you’re reading this, you’ve already had enough small talk for one lifetime. Actually, it doesn’t go without saying, which is why I’m saying it. They’re manipulative and disingenuous and destructive of intimacy.